“Poke Her” is a dirty movie my husband and I purchased many years ago, when people still bought porn on DVD. (Or anything on DVD?)

Bored on a Saturday afternoon, we decided to dust it off and see if it would spice things up.

It did not.

1. “Why is the DVD making that rattling noise? None of our other movies do that. Our DVD player is literally rejecting this movie.” (Bryan places the DVD case under the front part of the DVD player and the sound goes away.)
2. “Why can’t I go directly to the menu? There are a million commercials. Do you think any of these 900 numbers are still operational?”
3. “Man, I just got a glimpse of who these movies are marketed toward. Now I feel sad.”
4. “Finally. Which scene should we select? How about ‘Respect Her’? I have a feeling that’s going to be an inaccurate title.”
5. “Wait, they both have four aces and a king? Why are they acting like that’s a real thing that happens? I have a feeling this porno isn’t going to be very realistic.”
6. “Doesn’t that stripper with the boots remind you of the stripper in that Canadian strip club we went to that one time? Remember?” (Bryan: “I do not remember that.”)
7. “I’m going to have to blog about this.”
8. “Why is that guy playing strip poker nearly naked, but still wearing his cowboy hat? That’s Strip Poker 101: Lose the hat first.”
9. “Big Dick looks like Doug Wilson from Trading Spaces. It’s kind of distracting.”
10. “Oh, look – two women sucking one dick. Again.”
11. “How is there no girl-on-girl in this?”
12. “I just want to point out that the woman who just lost at strip poker, removed her G-string, and was banished to the ‘Loser’s Lounge’ is still wearing both of her stockings.”
13. “The poker announcer just said that in a previous hand, girl #1 beat girl #2’s ‘Pocket Rockets’ with a pair of aces. ‘Pocket Rockets’ ARE aces. Was there no research put into this movie?”
14. “Did the announcer just introduce that woman as ‘Fredericka Paprika’?” (Bryan: “I was just going to ask you the same thing.”)
15. “It’s weird that the action doesn’t look any different when I’m fast-forwarding it.”
16. “I am actually less horny than when we started watching this.”