Oh, Salvador. Where do I even begin?

I came out to the parking lot one day after work to find this note, along with an advertisement for a massage/spa place, tucked into the door handle of my car. I hope the two were unrelated.

Salvador, the mechanical engineer, clearly had no idea what he was getting into when he left me this invitation to talk about culture, theater, sports, technology, god, or my favorite: a subject of my choosing. He is also being a bit presumptuous in thinking I am capable of doing this in a polite, respectful, and kind way. Salvador doesn’t know who he is dealing with.

Salvador says he is not from Florida, but I’m going to go out on a limb and venture that, despite his claim, Salvador does not originally hail from Pennsylvania either. Unless the Pennsylvania public school system failed him miserably, I’m guessing that Salvador is one of Florida’s many friendly Latino residents. (It also happens that there is a facility next to my workplace that provides a service of some sort to Spanish-speaking folks, although I have no idea what they actually do. They could be training them to sell encyclopedias or steal kidneys for all I know. Maybe an amiable note placed on a strangers’ vehicle is the first step and it’s all a trap.)

I might seem like a ballsy broad, and as much as I love the opportunity to discuss subjects of my choosing ad nauseam, I love my kidneys even more, so I’ll save you the suspense and confess that I did not drop Salvador a call or text. This stranger left a note on my car with his phone number on it for Christ’s sake! If I have brass balls, his are clearly titanium. Who does this? Anyone fearless enough to offer his phone number to discuss god to a stranger with a Human Rights Campaign equality sticker on her car is too brave for me to jerk around.

All things being equal, I’m not sure what bothers me most about this unsolicited invitation to socialize. It has an inherent creepiness factor, sure, but can we talk about the random word capitalization? This part I don’t understand. My Spanish leaves a lot to be desired, but capitalization rules are pretty consistent from language to language. And also? I’m happy for Salvador that he is gainfully employed as a mechanical engineer with Alcoa, but he doesn’t have to shout about it. That’s just poor manners. That being said, if I were inclined to discuss a subject of my choosing with Salvador, I think that subject would probably be “Capitalization – When and Where it is Appropriate”. I mean, if you want to start socializing with peoples, particularly peoples who read and critique things for a living, you might want to learn how to write your creepy notes with the correct grammar and punctuation.

Of course, if you do not mind.